


If You Really Love Nothing

by yiffsniff



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: Clone Wars (2003) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, BETA READER NEEDED, Force Bonds, Guilt, Happy Ending, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, idk what i'm doing i just love my boys, possible ooc, should i finish this ??????????, tense friends to more than friends??
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-22
Updated: 2020-01-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:54:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22365220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yiffsniff/pseuds/yiffsniff
Summary: Anakin is going to cut things off with Padme. The guilt is tearing him apart as he realizes his fatal mistake in committing himself to his Angel, loyalty tearing him clean in two: Obi-Wan, his guide, his foundation or Padme, his saving angel, the salve for his turbulent soul.Updates will be slow going, I'm not entirely sure what I'm doing but I Am Determined to make this happen.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 5
Kudos: 37





	If You Really Love Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> OBVS I DON'T OWN RIGHTS TO THESE BOYS, WE BEEN KNEW THIS.  
> HELLO!!!!! I Am Back after posting my last lil' ficlet in like???? 2016????????  
> I am very out of practice, and started writing this on a whim. My Star Wars knowledge leaves a lot to be desired, I'm sure, but I'm gonna try my best here ya'll. Helpful critiques are always welcome, and I would love to work with a beta reader to give back to a community that has brought me so much joy.  
> Sorry for a short first chapter! I hope you can excuse any grammar/continuity mistakes/out of character,,,,, characters?  
> I love my boys.  
> (title is an interpol reference............ interpol gives me obikin feelings............ so does everything else,,,,,, fuck)

CHAPTER 1 – THE FORCE SOOTHES AS MUCH AS SHE WOUNDS

“If you really love nothing/On what future do we build illusions/If you really love nothing/ Do we wait in silent glory/If you really love nothing/What part of betrayal do you wish to deny  
Whenever I find my home/The next artery/Splendid I bled my whole life/So it’s probably a kiss goodbye then”  
If You Really Love Nothing, Marauder, Interpol

With each hesitant step bringing him closer to the Senate apartments and further from the Jedi Temple, Anakin swallows the storm brewing in his gut and shores up the shields surrounding the bubble of fading light in the back of his mind. Every action leading to this day had torn him and his Master apart, the infallible force that was Skywalker and Kenobi losing strength and synchronicity. It was time to fix the mess that he created in a whirlwind of selfish choices and teenage hormones.

The Clone Wars continued to rage on around them with no end in sight. Each passing day brings conflict closer to the Core Worlds. Kriff the expectations of the Senate or the Council; as long as his two suns were safe and close, nothing could go wrong. _But that’s also why I need to do this. Why I’m here._

Courscant’s controlled atmosphere cast a grey haze over the Senate apartment as he stared up the steps to the entrance. _I must do this. For her. For Obi-Wan. (For myself)._ Too long had he silenced the call of his heart, ignored the glistening of the Force surrounding his young Master. Padme was dear to him, of course – how could she not be after everything -- but his restlessness never settled around her. He had thought that his dedication was pure, that the Force had gently pushed one of her favorite children rapidly towards true happiness.

 _If this assumption was my first mistake, then lying to my Master about everything that followed was my second, worst mistake._ Anakin shook his head bitterly; traitorous feet having carved a familiar path through the twisting hallways. He raised his hand to the metal door, the gentle rapping of his knuckles against the material echoing harshly in the quiet of the corridor.

Padme’s handmaiden, Sabé, answered his call promptly and let him inside the apartment. The warm air carried the scent of Padme’s delicate perfume, the mass forming tight in his chest dropped hard into his stomach. His skin prickled as anxious sweat formed, his angel coming into view as Sabé relayed his arrival to her mistress.

“Ani! I didn’t realize you would be coming over today! You didn’t call,” She veritably drifts into the front room, rushing to embrace her love. “Is anything bothering you?”

The Hero with No Fear cringed away from the point-blank assessment. _Always so observant, my angel._ “Could we perhaps talk alone, Padme?” He winced again, seeing her happiness at his safe return and unexpected house call melt into the steely mask that he associated with her Senatorial duties. Of course, he would never expect anything different from such an intense individual – it was only natural that she would read his body language and sense the tension immediately.

That steely expression hardened further as she turned to her handmaiden, who had been hovering closely since his arrival, and gave her a sharp nod. Sabé turned heel gracefully and left the room, leaving her employer to their conversation.

The tension rolling through the Force was so thick in the air that Anakin could practically taste it. Padme’s immediate distrust for the situation was palpable, as was the thin cord of anxiety and grief running through the core. Her deep brown eyes search his for any further explanation of his unexpected visit. “Well? We’re alone now. Out with it.” Her voice wavered with the fear threatening to overwhelm her composure.

Anakin felt a small fracture forming in his heart as his determination solidified. _I have to do this. I have to. This is the Will of the Force._ He takes a moment to collect his thoughts, blue eyes shutting tight, inorganic hand clutching tight to his robes. He hears the creak of weakening fabric as he checks that the warm glow in the back of his mind is still well protected, and opens his eyes to stare into Padme’s again, willing her to understand just how difficult this was to say. The small intake of filtered air into his lungs came out in a rush of guilt, “I never wanted to do this. Force only knows that I never thought I would.” He drew his gaze away, not able to watch any emotions that may flash through the depths of hers. “I’ve neglected my responsibilities for too long,” _Obi-Wan would scoff at that. Rich, coming from The Chosen One, isn’t it, Master?_ Anakin shakes his head slightly, eyes fixed just over her shoulder. “We must sever this attachment, Senator.”

He doesn’t have to look to feel the disbelief and anger coming off of his former lover in stifling waves, swirling into a deadly storm in the Force surrounding them. He waits, letting her process his cold dismissal.

She turns away from him sharply. “I don’t know where this sudden obligation to your duties has stemmed from exactly, but I have a few guesses.” Anakin tenses, steeling himself in self-defense, but she continues before his retort comes. “Leave, Knight Skywalker. Your heart is obviously not held here, not any longer.” Padme shakes her head, the movement as elegant as it is deadly. “Go home to _him_.”

Anakin’s mind goes blank. Distantly, he hears the dull roar of panic overtaking his hearing in tandem with his racing heartbeat. The young general retreats into his mind as his body begins its frantic autopilot, feet pounding against the floor, door left thrown open as he flees. He is vaguely aware of his projections, knowing that his careful shielding has shattered in the absence of emotion during their exchange.

He doesn’t understand, can’t understand Padme’s parting words. Silent tears stream down sunbeaten cheeks as Anakin’s feet push him ever forward. _Oh Angel, what happened to us?_ _What have I done?_

Each turn is made subconsciously, the Force guiding her child through the city. The movement of his body feels lighter, more definitive as the young Knight comes to as the Jedi Temple stands proudly in front of him. The Force Bond in the back of his mind shines brilliantly with proximity, any former obstacles disintegrating with the intensity of the worry pulsing through it. 

_Don’t worry, Master. I think I’ve finally made the right choice.  
_ He ascends the grand staircase to the entrance of the temple, too preoccupied with Padme’s words to be aware of the gentle swirl of the Force around him. She pushes her Chosen delicately in the direction of a room not his own.

**_Do not fret, my dear. I am so proud of you. All will be well in time._ **


End file.
